hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
