We're like a lot better than the average bears
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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