Little spoons don't ask big questions
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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