Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
