I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i came on her dog
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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