So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
