And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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