Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
