I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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