Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
