if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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