forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
