Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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