yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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