Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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