I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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