my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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