90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
