i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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