So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
