My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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