We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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