also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
