can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
