the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
