none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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