please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
