Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
