During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
