i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
