talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
