i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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