they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
smell my finger.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
