Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
