i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
