I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
