after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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