Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
