u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
