i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
