We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
