Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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