with your own penis?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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