i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
