I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
