You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
