I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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