I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
