Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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