i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
