woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
