Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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