The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
