Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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