If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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