My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
