How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
