remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
